Why Women Often Shoulder the Load of Christmas Planning – Even When They’re Working
I’ve been thinking about jobs around the house lately and the routines we find ourselves in. Like who cleans the shower, who puts out the garbage etc etc. It’s easy to slide into a routine, but sometimes we all need a bit of a stocktake and a rebalance.
One area I’ve been pondering lately as the holiday season approaches is - who does what, to prepare for Christmas. In my situation, this is one of the first Christmas’s that all our kids will be doing other things, my brother and family will be away and Ryan and I will be at home alone!
We’ve been thinking about what we want to do for our Christmas Eve and Day - which will be spending some time with some dear friends on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day for ourselves. We’re most focussed on the food and wines on the day - very important! We’re excited about the prospect and have enjoyed the planning process.
However, in the past Christmas often added to feelings of anxiety - too many years of trying to fit everything in and scraping over the finish line like an staggering marathon runner that has nothing left in the tank.
So I’ve done a bit of research into some reasons this load often falls to women - with the hope is that it makes us all think about these assumed roles and implement a few small changes, so everyone enjoys Christmas.
So why do women often take the reins on Christmas planning, organizing, and gift-giving? From coordinating family gatherings to picking out presents and decorating, women often find themselves at the centre of holiday preparations, even when they’re working full-time.
1. The Invisible Load: Why Organising Falls to Women
In many households, women carry what’s known as the “invisible load”—the mental work of organizing and managing family life, often referred to as “emotional labour.” This load doesn’t just appear during the holidays, but it intensifies around Christmas as social calendars fill up, gift lists grow, and decorations go up.1
While many men contribute to family life, the mental burden of planning can often fall to women, simply because of long-standing habits and expectations. Society traditionally places women as the “planners” or “organizers” in families, a role that can continue even when both partners work full-time.
2. Expectations and Social Norms Play a Role
Society has long held that women are the caretakers and organizers, responsible for making celebrations “perfect.” From childhood, many women grow up seeing their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers play central roles in holiday traditions, and they may feel pressure to uphold these expectations as adults.2
As a result, women often feel a strong sense of responsibility to make Christmas special and memorable. They may believe (or be led to believe) that if they don’t do it, the holiday will lack the same warmth or magic. These social norms can place women in the driver’s seat for Christmas planning, even if it means added stress.
3. Multitasking Comes Naturally – But It Can Lead to Burnout
Many women are natural multitaskers, managing work, family, and social commitments with ease. But this strength can become a double-edged sword during the holiday season. The habit of juggling multiple tasks may make women more likely to take on extra responsibilities without asking for help, resulting in burnout.3
Planning Christmas involves countless details—organizing events, shopping, wrapping, decorating, and managing logistics. When all of these tasks fall to one person, it can quickly become overwhelming, and women may feel they’re expected to “just handle it.”
4. “If I Don’t Do It, It Won’t Get Done”
Women often express a common sentiment: if they don’t handle holiday planning, it simply won’t happen. Whether it’s because of unspoken expectations or the fear that others won’t approach it with the same attention to detail, this mindset can make it challenging to delegate tasks.4
Yet, this belief often leads to an unbalanced workload, with women shouldering the majority of holiday preparations. This dynamic can create feelings of resentment or exhaustion, taking away from the joy of the season.
5. How to Create Balance: Tips for Sharing the Load
A fairer division of labour is possible, and creating it starts with open communication and shared responsibility. Here are some practical steps for distributing the holiday workload more evenly:
Have a Planning Meeting: Sit down with your partner or family to discuss what needs to get done. Write out each task, then divide them based on availability, skills, and interest. A family planning session allows everyone to see the workload and encourages shared ownership.
Break the Tradition of “Perfect” Holidays: Perfection is overrated! Remember that the goal is to enjoy the holiday, not achieve a magazine-worthy celebration. Let go of unnecessary tasks and focus on what’s truly meaningful, whether that’s time together, good food, or shared laughter.5
Delegate with Clear Expectations: When asking for help, be specific. Instead of saying, “Can you help with gifts?” try, “Can you pick up gifts for the kids’ teachers?” Clarity helps everyone understand their role, and tasks are less likely to be left unfinished.
Set Boundaries Together: It’s easy to get swept up in the season, but setting boundaries can make a huge difference. Agree on a budget, limit the number of social commitments, or decide together what events and traditions matter most. Boundaries help ensure no one is overextended.
Encourage Team Effort: Make holiday preparations a family affair! From decorating the tree to wrapping gifts, encourage everyone to pitch in. Not only does this take the burden off one person, but it also creates lasting family memories.
6. Redefining “The Perfect Christmas” Together
Perhaps one of the most powerful ways to balance holiday tasks is to let go of the idea that women need to “make Christmas happen” on their own. By redefining what a perfect Christmas looks like, couples and families can create a new version of holiday traditions—one where each member plays a part.6 Whether it’s letting go of certain traditions, simplifying gift-giving, or deciding that a smaller holiday is just as special, these choices help everyone feel less pressured and more present.
Conclusion:
Christmas doesn’t need to be a season of stress and imbalance. By recognizing the reasons why holiday planning often falls to women, families can take intentional steps to create a more balanced, joyful season. This year, consider making Christmas a team effort. By sharing the load, communicating openly, and setting realistic expectations, everyone can feel more connected, relaxed, and ready to embrace the true spirit of the season.
Here’s to a holiday season that brings joy and connection to everyone in the family!
Footnotes:
Footnotes
Hochschild, A. R. (1989). The Second Shift: Working Families and the Revolution at Home. This book discusses the concept of emotional labor and the “second shift” of responsibilities often borne by women at home. ↩
Butler, J. (1990). Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. Explores how social roles are culturally constructed, influencing expectations on women to fulfill family organizing roles. ↩
American Psychological Association. (2018). Stress in America: Stress and Gender. Research indicates that women experience higher levels of burnout due to multitasking and mental load. ↩
Pew Research Center. (2015). Modern Parenthood: Roles of Moms and Dads Converge as They Balance Work and Family. This study highlights how women often take on more household responsibilities, reinforcing perceptions around “getting things done.” ↩
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Positive psychology research, including Brown’s work, emphasizes that focusing on meaningful connection over perfection leads to greater well-being. ↩
Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Relationship research by the Gottman Institute supports shared responsibilities and boundaries as critical to family harmony, especially during high-stress periods. ↩