Stress responses - do you know yours?
Everyone deals with stress differently. Managing stress is something we all need to learn how to do – at every stage of life. Sometimes it starts with knowing yourself and being able to recognize the signs.
For many years, like many working people, I had a lot going on – working long hours, multiple clients and roles with pressure to deliver to deadlines, a child, house renovations, family etc etc. Looking back one of my coping mechanisms was to clean our house. I still like a tidy house, our kids tell me now that I’ll be one of those old ladies in an aged care facility vacuuming constantly – happy as Larry!
I used to say to friends that the state of my ‘Tupperware’/plastics draw was an indicator of how I was feeling in life – sometimes neatly stacked and orderly, other times – a state of chaos. For some reason I found that if I had some order in my life, then I could deal with a whole lot of other pressure. I wasn’t sure why back then, but knew that I felt less agitated when I had some order in my environment.
I eventually worked out that this was stress talking. It also manifested with a nervous and uneasy feeling in my chest – a fear-based response. I often slept badly or woke up at 3am and then had trouble getting back to sleep and I lost my appetite.
Recognising these signs and doing something about it, made it all a lot more manageable. The good thing about being more aware of our natural responses and state is that we have a choice – do we keep doing what we’re doing or do we do something different to address it.
While managing the effect of stress is important, because we can’t control others, there are likely some proactive measures we can take to address the factors causing stress. For example, if it’s a big deadline can you do some planning and start preparing ahead of time to ease the pressure closer to the deadline. Is it a difficult relationship or interaction – can you do some preparation or put measures in place that will ease the tension or address the issue. Think about what’s causing the stress and why that might be stressful for you; and can you proactively manage it?
Better managing stress
When you’ve recognised you are in this state think about the quick-easy things you can do to help yourself – because other people rarely know what you need and feel like.
For me one of my big coping strategies is to exercise and move. I have always loved physical exercise and for many, many years was a keen runner, these days it’s still riding my bike and walking. The important thing is to get rid of some of the nervous energy we tend to hold onto in our bodies and promote the release of endorphins – our internally manufactured feel-good chemicals.
I know I talk about this a lot, but meditation is probably my number one strategy for managing stress now. Twenty minutes helps me feel less anxious, more balanced and positive. Even sitting still for five minutes and counting your breath can make you feel better. There are so many different types and lots of great guided meditations on YouTube, Apps and web-sites.
Other strategies you might consider:
Talking to a friend/family member – to get things off your chest. If you’re a natural extrovert (you are recharged by being with people), then you’ll likely seek people out to be with and talk to. Introverts (recharge by being by themselves, able to go ‘inside’) may not value this as highly. A word of warning that if you are recounting the issue and not really moving through it or resolving it, continuing to talk about it might not serve you or your friends well. Think about the reason you’re sharing – do you need advice, to talk it through the straighten it out in your own mind and maybe let the other person know what you’re hoping for?
Journalling – just writing down your thoughts and questions can be incredibly helpful. While it feels a bit odd to start with, free form writing is a good way to clear your head so you don’t tie your mind in knots.
Taking a bath – there are a number of benefits including feeling more grounded because you activate the parasympathetic nervous system and you do feel calmer. The heat can relax your muscles, Epsom salts also help.
Hobby – it might be good to relax into something you enjoy to escape your stress for a while. It might help you feel more balanced. However, the issues you are struggling with will still be there, but a temporary reprieve may be just what you need to tackle them.
The key message here is to be aware of your natural response to a stressful situation and to then use strategies that you have developed to help you better manage yourself. For many of us stress is a natural part of life and those that are able to reduce the impact and proactively manage it are more comfortable, happier and able to deal with life.